Finding Fire

It was the strangest thing. I was standing at one end of the gym, Stephanie was standing at the other. I focused on getting righteous indignation stirred up in my belly. I felt it start, like a match thrown into dry kindling, bits of wood sparking, flames shooting up. I let it build, taking breaths fast through my nose, throwing logs on till I couldn’t stand it anymore. I deployed my telescoping baton, held it over my head and began to run.

“Don’t you DARE!” I screamed, my voice reverberating off the walls and floor, bolting top speed at Stephanie. I stopped a few feet shy of her, exhilaration pulsing, panting, grinning. Appalled — amazed. Delighted.

Not me, not ever me. Certainly not traditionally mousy me. But there I was, fierce, warrior-like, feeling the fire and roaring like I was going to battle, determined to kick butt and take names.

Earlier in class we were deploying our weapons and taking intimidating stances. Yeah, it felt weird. Almost — but not quite — silly. But my inner warrior was beyond excited. She was vibrating.

I’m not who I was. But truly I’ve not been her for about a year-and-a-half now. I started warrior training when I was forced to fight for my family (especially my children) when a woman I trusted turned on me and undermined my standing with my kids. I was determined to defend and draw my family back together, and found a warrior rising from deep down, becoming equipped to do whatever it took to restore us.

Then Stephanie pulled me in by asking me to be part of a beta test she was running for a women’s self-defense seminar. I was hooked. So when she opened up a class I quickly joined. I’ve learned so much and yeah, I’m still hooked. I can’t wait for each class most times, though part of me still quavers a bit beforehand.

Finding fire isn’t as easy as it seems. I had to learn I was worth fighting for. Not just my kids, not just my family — me, too. I am worth defending, for the eternal life planted in me needs a home till it’s time for me to leave. And I’ve got work to do while here. I have a Master I need to answer to someday. He has called me to not only fight for my family and myself — I am tasked to equip fellow women here on earth, especially the broken, whether physically, psychologically, spiritually — or a combination. Women like me.

I see the Mission ahead and it seems overwhelming at times. But I’m getting stronger. My little mouse is still transitioning, becoming more and more lioness with every bout on the mats, and every time I develop my training in everyday life. And soon I’m joining a dojo for Ninpo training. The fire has quickly grown into ever-burning embers, sparking into flames when necessary. I can’t wait to see what’s coming next.

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