Just Get Up and Try

I’ve recently decided to considered myself built like a female sumo wrestler and to use that to my advantage in my martial arts training and teaching women’s self-defense. Why not? My training helps me to control my body weight and use it to my advantage. I can do things now that I couldn’t do a year ago. I’ve accomplished so much in a year’s time. I’m on my way to healing for terrifying traumas, ready to test for black belt, and getting stronger every week. My heart rate is great, my moods are generally better, my abilities are better and lifting 155 lbs. off the floor seems like a miracle –but it isn’t; it’s payoff.

Snap Out of It, Dunham! A Moment of Self-Catharsis

Ah, yes, that moment of crisis that leads to decision making. The one where you have to just lay down and let that rock roll right over you, or get back up and keep pushing. If a 5-ton rock rolls over you, that can’t be good, right? Or maybe it’s good to get life over with and move on? Perhaps less dramatic, like throwing my hands in the air and saying “I give up, God — You do it” will stop this crazy cycle of pushing and pushing and pushing. After all, He’s big enough and strong enough to pick that rock right up and take it where it belongs. But why would He do that when making me do the work is much better and good? At least according to Him.

It Still Applies

Suddenly I was gripped around the neck, choking in a rear-naked hold. I was instantly a little girl again, helpless and scared. I wanted to cry. Rushing in then was a NO you WON’T and it was like I tucked the little girl behind me as warrior me emerged. I tucked my chin, dropped down, stepped on her foot and dug my thumb into the back of her hand, peeling it off. The next thing I knew she was on the floor. I stopped her. I actually defended myself.

Killing Me Softly

None of us wants to think about these questions — oh how I wish I had an invisible bubble I could shield myself in so I didn’t have to think about any of this! Even typing the questions I felt fear well and swell in my belly. But if we’re wise, we choose to go there, to actually strategize.

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